Say Haallow to the HaaHoos

In the second of our in-depth profiles of night gardenites we meet the always enigmatic and often surprising HaaHoos.

A walk among HaaHoos is a walk among gentle giants. They bounce, sway, and smile at our crew as we make our way toward their leader, HaaHoo X, who has agreed to give The Daily readers an inside look at HaaHoo life. The first thing people should know about the HaaHoos, says X, is that their well known cry of 'HaaHoo' does not mean 'hello' as many have supposed. 'No, it's part of a complex mating ritual,' he states, but he refuses to be drawn into specifics.'You really don't want to know,' he says, leading us toward the rest of the group.

The HaaHoos. Clockwise from rear left: Oval, Flower, Figure Eight (known affectionately as 'Beany'), X and Star.

The HaaHoos have no specific home in the garden, although they tend to spend most of their time near the Gazebo. 'We feel most comfortable here,' says X, 'The Gazebo has taken an interest in our culture and has even developed a series of lectures for interested residents' (see our Community Notices page for more information). While introducing us to the other HaaHoos, X enumerates some of their many accomplishments and talents. HaaHoo Flower apparently runs a very profitable internet dating website, HaaHoo Star is one of the world's leading experts on the bottle-nosed dolphin, and HaaHoo Figure Eight once bounced for the Queen. These surprising achievements belie the seemingly quiet life that the  HaaHoos have in the night garden, with the majority of excitement coming when residents wave to them from the Pinky-Ponk or the Ninky-Nonk decides to play a game of 'chicken'.

It is just this 'fairly boring' image that the HaaHoos want to change, says X. 'We've lived here for many years, and have yet to really feel accepted as fellow residents. We feel like we are seen as large pillows, or plump garden statues- nice to have around but hardly likely to be included in any meaningful way in adventures and so forth,' he rants. The other HaaHoos agree that they feel 'under-utilised and under-appreciated' in the garden.

A key problem, the HaaHoos feel, is that there is no place for them on the garden transport systems. Thus, they can't go for hair-raising rides on the Ninky-Nonk or share the joys of hitting a tree or bush in the Pinky-Ponk. They plan to lobby the transport minister to change this. We ask how the HaaHoos, large as they are, would fit inside either transport. But, 'how does anyone fit?' questions HaaHoo X. 'If you look closely at the Pinky-Ponk and Ninky-Nonk, the only ones who should be able to get aboard are the Pontipines. I'm sure with some clever use of perspective, they can make room for us as well'.

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Ball classed as flight risk to Pinky-Ponk

The Pinky-Ponk has been grounded indefinitely after several serious mid-air collisions with notorious night garden menace the Ball. Observers say that the Ball deliberately targetted the Pinky-Ponk, which at one point was knocked into a tailspin. The Pinky-Ponk sent out two mayday hails over the trubliphone network but managed to recover just seconds from what would have been a crash landing on the Pontipine house.

An eye-witness photo of an upside-down Pinky-Ponk just moments after being hit by wanted criminal, the Ball

Frustrated: Authorities
Pinky-Ponk-Inc have stated that their air transport ship will remain grounded for as long as the Ball is at large. 'It's just too great a risk to passenger safety', stated a representative, 'we've had enough trouble over the Ponking'. When questioned, night garden authorities stated that they were frustrated by a lack of leads to help them locate the Ball. 'We get calls all the time,' said a spokesperson, 'but when we follow them up, it ends up being one of those spherical bushes'.

Authorities are also concerned that some gardenites might be deliberately harbouring the Ball and providing it with shelter, food or other support 'because it is fun to play with'. Their spokesperson reiterated the message posted in The Daily last week that the Ball is a highly dangerous con artist which should be approached with caution, if at all. 'Get straight on the trubliphone if you see it,' he stated, but, 'wait until you are sure it is the Ball before you call'. See pictures below for a helpful guide to identifying the Ball.

Two round bushes (foreground), pictured here with HaaHoo X. These bushes pose no threat to gardenites, say authorities. Experts suggest that they can be readily distinguished from the Ball by the fact that the bushes rarely move and they are often found in groups of two, either side-by-side or stacked on top of eachother.

Wanted criminal, the Ball, shown here with Upsy Daisy before it's flight from justice. Authorities warn gardenites that 'playing' with the Ball is very risky.

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'Ponking' ban considered after Iggle injury

Residents who elect to ride the Pinky-Ponk around the night garden may soon have a smoother ride as the night garden council considers a proposal to ban 'Ponking'. The move comes after ubiquitous garden visitor Iggle Piggle reportedly suffered an injury from falling over during a large Ponk. Piggle, who was unable to discuss his injury because of an impending lawsuit, was travelling in the company of Upsy Daisy and the Tombliboos when the Pinky-Ponk hit a tree.

'Ponk alarm adequate'
Upsy Daisy, a long-term friend of Iggle Piggle, is spearheading the anti-Ponk campaign in the night garden. 'We need to put an end to Ponking. It looks like fun, but it is potentially hazardous, as Iggle's injuries confirm', she stated.

Representatives of Pinky-Ponk Inc have responded to claims that their transport is dangerous by pointing out that a proximity alarm is triggered in order to warn travellers that a Ponk is imminent, allowing them time to prepare. 'The Ponk alarm gives adequate warning for customers', said one. 'There is a light and sound component so that even hearing impaired customers are warned. We really don't see how we could make the Pinky-Ponk any safer'.

Upsy Daisy and others in the anti-Ponk camp are not convinced. 'What is the point of the warning if there are no seatbelts and nothing to hold on to?' questioned Upsy.

Ponking 'just good fun'
Ponk enthusiasts are outraged by the proposal to ban their favourite sport, which is unique to the night garden. One enthusiastic Ponker argued, 'Ponking makes otherwise boring journey on the Pinky-Ponk fun! What else are we supposed to do, wave at one another?' Another Ponker, who wished to remain anonymous, suggested that Iggle Piggle may have been injured because of an inherent problem with balance, and not because of the Ponk. 'Iggle Piggle falls over at the drop of a hat, not just in the Pinky Ponk', our informant stated.

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Ninky-Nonk accessibility questioned

A public meeting was held today to discuss the accessibility of the night garden's public transport system. Residents raised concerns about the fact that neither the Ninky-Nonk nor Pinky-Ponk have designated stops for passengers to alight, and that the Ninky-Nonk is not easily accessible by handy-capable or pregnant residents.

'All of the carriages have stairs', explained one resident who preferred to remain anonymous, 'it makes it hard to get one's Og-Pog on board'. Upsy Daisy agreed that the flight of stairs needed to reach her carriage was long, but stated that 'it gives a great leg and bum workout'.

Smaller residents constantly miss transport
The teeny tiny Pontipines made a statement to the meeting that on many occasions they had simply been unable to catch either the Ninky-Nonk or Pinky-Ponk due to the lack of designated stops. 'We just can't catch the darn things', said Mrs Pontipine. 'I can see them stopping through my binoculars, but by the time we get there, they have gone'. The Wottingers made a similar statement.

Although residents voted in favour of converting the Ninky-Nonk steps into ramps and creating a network of stops to be used by both transport systems, no agreement was reached as to how to proceed. While the teeny tiny Pontipines offered their children as unpaid laborers, other residents were less obliging. 'My skills lie more in dancing and skipping than building ramps', stated Upsy Daisy.

Pinky-Ponk 'Unsanitary'?
Deferred for another meeting were questions about the hygiene standards in the Pinky-Ponk, which includes a beverage service as part of every flight. 'We want to be assured that the juice is fresh for each flight, and that the sippi cups have been thoroughly washed', said Tombliboo Un, who raised the item on the agenda. 'I love Pinky-Ponk juice, but not if it's crawling with bacteria'.

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